• Vicki O'Connor

Who wants to be a Hand Maid?

Updated: Dec 12, 2019

Recenlty I read a post on Facebook written by a well known woman who really seems to have her stuff together publicly, but expressed absolute frustration and exhaustion at the effort it is taking to for her to be everything to absolutely everybody in her household.

She has recently become a mother again and is well in the trenches with all that entails. She has done it before and is more than equipped to do it again. She has the smarts, the experience and the confidence to "Do it All" but my questions is "Why does she have to?

Quite clearly the baby didn't get there all by itself. Another adult human was involved (albeit by a few minutes of sexual pleasure) in it's creation, so why does the vast majority of care of said baby routinely and utterly fall on the mother once it arrives?

Where is the rule written that all the male has to do to become a parent is to have sex?

They are usually more than willing to participate in that part of the journey but where does it say that that is the beginning and the end of their duty?

Where does it say that they now have a free pass to function as affectively as another child in the house and let the woman/spouse/female do all the freakin' rest?

In many cases, prior to babies arrival, the adult male was a functioning, contributing and reliable member of the house. They could see things that needed doing and just did them. So why do they all of a sudden become null and void as a viable human when a baby is introduced? Do they somehow feel they deserve some care and nurturing because "hey look what I co-created! Please now attend to my every need whilst I sit over here and bask in my awesomeness."

Yes of course if she is breast feeding he can't do that but why does that render him incapable of any and all other duties that are endlessly required around the house - always, every freakin' day, ad nauseum, new baby or not?

What is it about the introduction of a new baby to a house hold that creates a new world order where the woman then becomes the mother of all the occupants of the household no matter their age, ability or sense of entitlement?

I truly don't understand!

If they could feel even one iota of the bone deep tiredness that comes with growing, birthing and caring for a baby they would not even get out of bed. But not only do they compete in the "I'm so tired" stakes, they add to the woman's load by doing SFA or by doing "token" tasks or one off's then having a well earned, self appointed rest.

Is this what you dreamt of as a little girl?

Yes I know #notallmen, but you only have to read the comments section of the aforementioned Facebook post to truly appreciate just how non-contributing so many men/fathers are in the day to day running of a home with their own children in it. Children who they had a part in bringing into the world. Children who need positive role models to break the multi generational cycle of women providing unpaid domestic assistance to ungrateful, entitled adults.

There would not be a single little girl in the history of forever who had a dream of growing up to be a hand maid just because she has an inny rather than an outy. I must have skipped this class at school because I vehemently refuse to be a hand maid to anyone let alone a grown man.

If they reckon they are good enough to run pretty much the whole world then they are more than equipped to pull their weight in their own house, for their own family and for someone they supposedly love and respect.

Lift your game fellas.

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